My Heart is an Idiot: when opportunity knocks, answer the door!

The enigma of inter-personal attraction is not easily solved. What makes us fall head over heels for some people and not others? More importantly, how do you tell if your heart throb is interested in you? Is it in his face? In his warm embrace? Greater women and men than myself have puzzled over this question and come up with diddly. Nonetheless, in this entry we tackle a question for the ages as I respond to a reader who struck out looking, and discuss what to do when your love spidey-senses tingle.

Hi Davy,

Every week for the past year this delivery guy has come in to my work. We always exchange warm greetings; I am very attracted to him, and my instincts tell me that he’s into me as well. We’ve had a few short conversations, but nothing more than small talk. I am a tongue-tied, blushing fool around this guy, kind of like I am still in eighth grade.

A few weeks ago, a new delivery guy showed up. My guy had changed routes, so I sent him a note via his replacement asking him out and telling him how to contact me. I didn’t know what else to do; I don’t even know his name, but this guy is in my heart.

He did not call me. I was upset for a while but now I’m trying to get him out of my head. I just want your insight on this: do you think this guy was ever into me? I think I look pretty darn good, especially at work, and we always had eye contact and chemistry. So what gives?

Thank you,
Maureen


Hi Maureen!

I’ve noticed that people tend to give themselves inadequate credit for being able to tell when another person is attracted to them. We have powerful built-in receptors to detect signals of attraction from others, and equally powerful subconscious transmitters to express our own attractions. Anxieties and a lack of confidence can muddle how we interpret those signals, but it sounds like you’re not suffering from too much of either. From your description of your interactions with this guy, I’d say your instincts are spot on and there likely was a mutual attraction.

There are a number of reasons that may explain why your anonymous amour didn’t deliver the phone call you hoped for. He may be in a committed relationship and think that contacting you would be inappropriate. He may be moving away (thus explaining his replacement). He may not have been interested. Or, I think most likely, he may never have received your note to begin with.

The lesson here is to unlock the door while opportunity is knocking; don’t wait until it decides you’re not home. The next time you’re smitten, carpe diem! Be bold and impulsive; the worst that will happen is that your crush will say no: a small price to pay for the chance of what may come.

Much love!
Davy